How to Work With Students After Negative Behavior
“Punishing the absence of a skill hoping it will produce the skill is absurd. You’re not “teaching responsibility” when all you do is punish the absence of it. We would never teach academic skills like that to our students. Teaching requires instruction & practice, not consequences. ”
– Tom Schimmer
Every educator has been there. A student disrupts the class, disrespects a peer, or breaks a rule. The energy in the room shifts, the trust wobbles, and the question becomes: Now what? How do we work with students after a negative behavior?
Too often, we default to punitive consequences—detention, ISS, or removal from class—because it feels like the “right” thing to do. But here’s the truth: punishment alone doesn’t teach. It may stop the behavior temporarily, but it rarely addresses the why behind it or provide the tools students need to do better next time.
This is where the principles from The Language of Behavior offer a new path forward. Instead of responding with control, we respond with curiosity, connection, and compassion.
Step 1: Regulate First, Reflect Later
When a student is dysregulated, whether they’re angry, overwhelmed, or shut down, learning is out of reach. Before anything else, your presence matters more than your words. Keep your tone calm, give the student space if needed, and remember that behavior is communication.
Once the student is calm, move into reflection—not interrogation. Ask open-ended questions like:
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“What was going on for you right before that happened?”
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“What were you feeling when that choice was made?”
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“What do you need right now to move forward?”
This opens the door to understanding the root cause instead of just the symptoms.
Step 2: Restore the Harm, Don’t Just Remove the Students
Instead of simply sending a student away, involve them in repairing the relationships or environment their actions may have harmed. This might involve:
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A guided restorative conversation with a peer or teacher
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A reflective writing activity
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Allowing the student to determine the consequences, which relates tot he negative behavior, as a form of accountability
When students are given the opportunity to own their actions in a supportive setting, they’re far more likely to internalize and grow from the lessons.
Step 3: Reconnect With Care
One of the most powerful strategies from The Language of Behavior is the idea that students must feel seen and safe before they can succeed. After a behavior incident, we must double down on connection—not retreat. The student needs to know you care for them and they are still welcome in the educational environment.
Start the next day fresh. Greet the student by name. Check in on how they’re feeling. Show them you still believe in their potential. That’s what builds trust and fosters growth.
Step 4: Re-Teach, Don’t Just Reprimand
Most behavior mistakes stem from missing skills. Maybe it’s emotional regulation. Maybe it’s conflict resolution. Maybe it’s impulse control. Whatever it is, treat the moment as a teachable one.
Use resources like social emotional learning (SEL) lessons, role plays, or classroom agreements to reinforce what the desired behavior looks like moving forward. Help students build the skillset they need to meet expectations—not just avoid consequences.
Every behavior is a message
As we shared in our most recent episode of The Language of Behavior Podcast, how we show up after a student makes a mistake determines how they grow from it. Every behavior is a message. And every response is a chance to say, “I see you. Let’s try again.”
Let’s stop trying to punish students into better behavior. Let’s guide them there—with intention, empathy, and accountability.
📘 Want to dig deeper? The Language of Behavior is your blueprint for creating trauma-responsive systems that support both students and staff. Grab your copy today!
🎧 And don’t forget to catch the latest podcast episode for more real-life strategies and stories.
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About the author, Joshua
Joshua Stamper is the Training and Development Specialist for the Teach Better Team and manages the Teach Better Podcast Network. Prior to Joshua's current position, he was a middle school Administrator, classroom art educator, and athletic coach.
In addition to being on the Teach Better Team, Joshua is the author of Aspire to Lead, podcaster, leadership coach, and education presenter.